I am thankful for so many things.

I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for the friends and family and co-workers who surround me each day. I am thankful for the roof over my head and the food in my pantry. I am thankful that each day I go to a job that I love. I am thankful for our steady paychecks. I am thankful for my two beautiful little boys and the gifts of unconditional love and laughter that they bring into my life. I am thankful for the love and support of a husband who is my true partner in every sense of the world. I am thankful for mom and her skills as a therapist that I put to use every single day. I am thankful for early detection. For mother’s intuition. I am thankful for the team that surrounds us. I am thankful for the faith deep inside of me telling me that everything will be ok.

I am thankful. Every single day.

I am thankful on the good days. And, I am thankful on the bad days. I am thankful on the days when things feel together and whole. And, I am thankful on the days when things are shattered and broken. I am thankful on the days when I get it right. And, I am thankful on the days when I get it all wrong. I am thankful when I feel rested. And, I am thankful when I am exhausted. I am thankful when we move forward. And, I am thankful for a chance to start again when we move backward.

I am thankful.

During parts of this journey I realize just how easy it is to lose faith. And, sometimes I do. Sometimes, even just for a moment, I let the faith run out of me. I let myself forget all that I have to be thankful for. I let the week or the day or the moment get the best of me. Just for a moment. I am overcome with emotion and fear and the feeling of inadequacy. I question myself. I question the things around me. I question how in the world anyone thought that I was strong enough for this journey. I question everything.

And for a little while I let myself live in that place of question. That place of doubt. And fear. I have learned that this is all a part of my journey. So, I let myself linger there for a moment. Until there is nothing left to question or doubt. Until there is nothing left to fear.

Free of questions and doubts and fears I move forward. I put myself together; piece by piece. All of the pieces of me. I remind myself that each day of this life is a gift.

Sometimes the gifts of a particular challenge are unclear to me. And, as much as I try to bring it into focus, I am unable to see it clearly. I try to force it. But some things cannot be forced. That is another important lesson I have learned along this journey. So I have to put my faith in the journey. I have to put my faith in something that I can feel even though I cannot see it with my eyes.

It is the faith I have deep inside of me that propels me forward. It is my strength. It is my ability to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. It is my ability to wipe away my tears. To cover my bruises. To fight when I want to flee. To stand tall when I want to cower. To be stronger than I thought I could be each and every day.

I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for all that it gives me along this journey. I am thankful that I do not have to walk this journey alone. I am thankful for the love and the faith of the people around us.

Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of things that we cannot see. Always keep sight of your faith. Faith in yourself. Faith in the people you love. Faith in things all around you. Even the things you cannot see.

JS